Mother - reveal who you are

I am attempting to reconnect with my spiritual side. Over the last few weeks, I've realized that I feel like my spiritual persona is amputated and broken. Seems like even though I am reading the bible and studying about God, I'm still not connecting to her spiritually. When I think about my spiritual persona, I imagine it looks like the angel's wings in Dogma after they have been severed - you can see where the beautiful wings are supposed to be, but all that's left are bloody stumps. I mentioned this to my discipleship group and we are going to pray through the Lord's prayer together this week.

Today, I am focusing on the beginning of the prayer:

"Our mother in heaven, reveal who you are."

I have reached the point where I feel I need to see her/feel her/hear her or my soul will just disappear forever. Reveal who you are!!

Marital bliss

"I swear, if you don't stop leaving your chapstick in your clothes..."

"Well, if you would just wash the clothes that I put in the hamper instead of assuming that all the clothes I have out are dirty, then you wouldn't have this problem..."

We've had this conversation (yes, the same exact conversation) about 100 times in our relationship. I expect to have it again.

Yeah new yarn!

I have now bought my first yarn for my first "real" projects :) Woo hoo!

I visited Yarns Ewenique after work yesterday intending to go in a purchase the yarns that I need to do a little sweater and hat for Annan. I spent an hour in there just feeling yarns and getting an idea of how the whole things works. On Thursday afternoons/evenings they have a sit-n-knit thing where all these knitters come in and work on their projects and talk etc. There were about 10 women there last night!! And they all looked like they knew what they were doing... so, I can take my work up there and get help on places where I get stuck! And make friends with other women who are all these different ages!! I am so excited! :) And the owners of the store were fabulous... Annemieke (prounounced Anna-meeka) spent alot of time helping me locate good alternative yarns and answered my questions.

Knitting freakin' rocks!!

I got a beautiful 100% merino yarn that is about the color of the green apple in my lunch for a sweet little boat neck sweater, and then I got some eggplant color bamboo wool (50% bamboo, 50% wool) for a hat :). The yarn wasn't exactly cheap, but if all goes well, I spent $23 on the yarn for her sweater and $18 for her hat... not sure how much of the yarn will be left over, but that seems about right for the cost of winter items anyway, but I get to make these!

So, I cast on last night for Annan's first sweater :D It is really a pleasure to work with fine, delicate yummy feeling yarn (especially after the cheap feeling stuff Sheri gave me). There is QUITE a difference, really. They aren't full of crap at all.

I need to get another skein or two of this yarn to finish my scarf project (and do up a matching hat), but I want to finish Annan's stuff first.

On inertia

Have you ever come across someone, either in person, or online who you get the distinct feeling could you be you in the future? It happened to me today, when I checked out a lead on a knitting blog from my Creative Mom podcast. Ann (the host) recommended january one as an excellent blog from a very productive knitter with fantabulous photographs. I, of course, had to check it out immediately.

Not only does this woman share my birthday, but she shares my passion for photography, knitting, philosophy, politics, her husband, her friends, her life. It is just so strange to read a list of things she has put together to describe herself to find myself nodding my head, thinking that, yes, this is me, this could be me, this might be me, in another life, in 10 years, in an alternate universe.

Having found her, I'm wondering what I need to do about it now. I have been feeling inertial lately. Like nothing that I'm doing or intending on doing is going anywhere, but rather, I'm continuing to move forward (or backward, up or down) at the same inertial rate as nothing that I can do can exert any outside force on me. Inertia feels like going nowhere, but I know that, if nothing else, time is moving forward, inevitably advancing, each day closing, glaring at me, daring me to show what I've done today to change.

Not a whole, damn, lot. Nada, zero, zip, zilch. I'm stuck, I'm not doing anything, I'm trapped by bills, my job, my pregnancy, all of it. Stuck in inertia... always reacting, not acting. Stuck. I feel like a fly who's been caught on flypaper and who has given up trying to get free. My energy, my will, my desire is fading quickly. Running across this blog for a woman who is very similar to me, but who seems to be living out her dreams is like a jolt of adrenaline, shocking me into action. If she can do it, so can I. I just need to get off my ass and get back in the game. Stop moping around and do something about it. Start setting tiny goals to measure my progress. Take time to appreciate my progress and to reassess the future. To stop and notice the beauty around me, to treasure my friends, to enjoy the now, the mundane, the ordinary.

If she can do it, so can I.