So last week we were studying Ecclesiastes 3 (the chapter where solomon goes through and tells all the times for stuff) and one of the questions that we were supposed to answer was what time is it in your life? I didn't actually answer that question during fight club because, well, I just didn't. Anyway, on Tuesday, Holly send us an email that shocked me out of my funk... basically, she said that we need to be jesus to people and that the people at work shouldn't have to wonder if you're a christian or not.
That's all well and good, except that I've been in a really shitty mood for the last month and I can guarantee you that the people at work definitely had not been seeing jesus in me. I read that email first thing in the morning, so as I'm going through my routine, I'm musing on how I can manage to be jesus, but still get my work done. For some reason, I equate being unkind and bitchy with being succesful in the business world... but my vision of jesus definitely wasn't one of him being a raging bitch... that's for sure... at the same time, I know that providing for my family is important... so how to do this... Well, about 4:00 that day, Randy calls me into his office. Randy is at a higher level in the company than I am, but I don't report to him (a fact which causes alot of weird tension and politicking between us). He called me into his office to talk about my attitude. So, he goes off on this long speel about how he doesn't feel like he can work with me, the other ppl in the office are starting to avoid me, blah blah blah. Normally, I would just start to tune him out because... well, I can. He's not my boss, and whether my attitude can be rough some times doesn't affect how well I do my job... so usually when he has these kinds of conversations with me I just blow him off.
This time, however, he really got to me. Not because he said anything new, but because I'd already been called on the carpet for not being jesus to my coworkers. And, in case I had let myself off the hook earlier, here was a raging example, that yes, hannah, you have been a bitch and we're not sure we like working with you. Randy, as he was confronting me was saying that I had failed in being jesus to him.
I left his office very contrite. I apologized to him for my attitude and brusqueness (which I think really threw him off - he thought I was being sarcastic again) and I left knowing that I really needed to change. It was no longer just about me feeling like I needed to change... here was one of my coworkers crying out because I had hurt him. I feel like an ass.
The good news is that the rest of the week I have been very conscientious of how I interact with others in the office. Its not about me and my success and my peace of mind. If I take care of them, they will take care of me. And if they don't, jesus tells us to count it all joy... its time to learn how to be a servant. I've allowed my own short-sighted mirages to get in the way of the kingdom dream and I don't even have anything to show for it. No more. its time to be jesus as best I can to those around me... including the ones that I work with.
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