Friday

Hooray for Fridays. I've got two more hours and stacks of work I don't want to do. Logically, the only thing left to do is post here... :)

I was catching up on some blogs that I've been away from recently and I found this on (un)Veilings:

"I'm realizing that life isn't something you wait to live until the kids are grown or even just in school. Life isn't something you put off until your resume is long. It isn't something you hold like your breath, or keep locked in a cage, feeding but once or twice a day.

"It's here. Right now. It's this week, and this spring, this night with all the trees in bloom, and the crickets cricking, this lamp spilling golden light across my lap, my hands, the little scar where I accidentally poked myself with lead in seventh grade. I don't want to fill this glorious life I've been given so full that the glory fades, and it doesn't even matter because I don't have time to notice anyway. I don't want to be so preoccupied with the next ten things I'm trying to accomplish that the one right in front of me gets only half of me."

So much of what she writes resonates with me right now. As I am trying to figure out the next step in my life I am confronted with so many things that I am putting on hold (education, exercise, contemplation, writing, gardening) because I am too busy working, or too tired, or...

As we are trying to figure out how I will combine my roles of mother and worker, I find that I am less willing to put these dreams on hold. I never believed that I would NOT go on to get more advanced degrees, and yet, here I am 3 years removed from college graduation and absolutely no sign that I will be able to pursue that dream anywhere in the near future, ESPECIALLY with a little one on the way. I am afraid that it might be 20 years until I acutally get that garden oasis in our backyard - I never seemed to have the time to work on it because I was too busy with work and church. While much of the church things that I do have lasting value, I can guarantee you that my work is just wasted time. It puts food on the table, clothes on our backs and shelter over our head. And brings more stress into our lives.

At this point, I can't imagine adding a baby to the mix. Something will have to give, and if I get to pick, it will be my job. I'm sure we will figure out a way to make things work, to provide for our needs, and to find enough to give away to those in greater need than us. Despite the surprising nature of this baby, I think she will change our lives for the better.